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Regrets after losing a spouse

 BEAR: When you lost Maggie, did you find yourself regretting that you hadn't told her certain things before she died?

HOOKER: Oh yes. I think it's common.

BEAR: After burying Liz, I couldn't remember the last time I'd told her I love her. I'm sure she knew I did but I was so upset about not telling her more often that my doctor treated me for depression.

HOOKER: My dad was like that. He took me aside and told me not to make his mistake. So Maggie and I didn't have this problem, we told one another daily, often more than that. "Goodnight, I love you." I regreted something else. After retiring, she took up making jewelry. Good, I thought, she has a hobby to keep her busy. I didn't think much about it otherwise.

BEAR: So what happened?

HOOKER: I went through it after she died. Her jewelry was art! Moreover, she was selling it, she had business records. I should have paid more attention to all this when she was alive.

BEAR: No marriage is perfect, is it?

HOOKER: No marriage is perfect. No relationship is perfect. No individual is perfect. 

BEAR: All we can do is the best we can.

HOOKER: Unless you're a follower of the Golden Felon.

BEAR: Who are driven by bad ideas.

HOOKER: Not by ideas, Bear, by ideology. An idea is something you have. An ideology is something that has you.

(End)



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